Coping with my child leaving for University
I’m at that delicate juncture in life where you push your baby bird of the nest for the first time and watch her fly, as I write this, tears well up.
It’s part of my lesson of how to cope with your child leaving for University and I’m learning on the job.
As she makes her lists and checks them twice, I let her, not interfering.
I think this is her first big move and I’m loving the fact that she is doing this all on her own.
From the towels to the furniture, cutlery and crockery she has it all sorted.
As she told me one day this will be my first home and I want it to be the way I want it. I felt a little hurt at first but did not react, after all this home is hers as well but I understand this is a moment of pride for her and she wants to do it her way. Go fly!!!
I felt a little hurt at first but did not react, after all this home is hers as well but I understand this is a moment of pride for her and she wants to do it her way. Go fly!!!
Also, she must be as emotionally charged as I am though she does not show it so I don’t want to create any diversions that will take her mind away from the big shift.
I feel this is the time if any to let my daughter take the lead. I don’t want to be labelled bumble bee. No, I won’t micro manage!
That is my way of instilling a ‘you can do it’ attitude in her.
No, I won’t micro manage! That is my way of instilling a ‘you can do it’ attitude in her.
I want her to feel confident and self-assured, not childish and helpless. Even though I think at times I may have done it differently just out of the experience of years but that’s ok, part of the letting go process I guess. It is a day I have prepared for a long time not but sometimes secretly wished it didn’t come.
It is a day I have prepared for a long time not but sometimes secretly wished it didn’t come.
It is important to let them go right. I have written about it in another blog: To Love To lead and look after
Let her find her own fixes
One of my biggest learnings in this whole deal of letting go is allowing her to make her mistakes, learn her lessons, if she may and fly on. Having provided for her for the past 19 years I have the urge to find her a good place to stay and a good kid or kids to share it with.
Having provided for her for the past 19 years I have the urge to find her a good place to stay and a good kid or kids to share it with.
However, I know living independently does mean she makes her own judgments and assesses people and situations on her own. All I need to do is be positive and supportive in all that she decides and I trust she will work it out.
All I need to do is be positive and supportive in all that she decides and I trust she will work it out.
The extra mile
No matter how well you plan and how good you are organized there will be last minute stuff that will needed to be put in place. I’m travelling thousands of miles to drop her off and to set her up so we have made our lists.
I’m travelling thousands of miles to drop her off and to set her up so we have made our lists.
Even so, I’d say, keep time to work the supermarket or discount store to pick up some essential stuff that somehow didn’t make it to the list or got overlooked. Also for the first some weeks, plan on leaving her some extra cash to sort stuff out that we didn’t see coming.
Also for the first some weeks, I plan on leaving her some extra cash to sort stuff out that we didn’t see coming.
She’s healthy I’m wise
One thing that has given me a lot of peace is the knowledge that my child who is leaving for University knows how and where to get medical help if the need arises.
Together locate a 24-hour pharmacy. Aquire the number of a good local GP at hand it will help if god forbid the need for medical attention arises in an emergency. I contacted him and mailed him her details. I sleep happy that if I need there is a doctor on hand
Aquire the number of a good local GP at hand it will help if ‘God Forbid’ the need for medical attention arises in an emergency. I contacted him and mailed him her details. I sleep happy that if I need there is a doctor on hand.
I contacted him and mailed him her details. I sleep happy that if she needs there is a doctor on hand.
I sleep happy that if she needs there is a doctor on hand.
Being a walking buddy
It doesn’t end once you are back after your child has left for University. Make sure that she or he has a hotline to you. Sometimes the walk back from UNi can be a lonely one after a hard day and she may need someone to talk to as she walks back alone.
I have made sure that she knows I’m there and she can call whenever she wants to. I have told her she has a walking buddy whenever she needs one. Someone she can say ‘I gotta go now’ once she is in the comfort of a space she knows
Trust and belief
I believe that I have spent all these years raising my child to the best of my ability teaching her to always come from and stay in a position of love.
In all these years I have taught her right from wrong while giving her the ability to choose for herself at all times.
I believe there is a beautiful plan, purpose and future for my child just as I believe he has for me.
I believe she has her own life path and she will learn all the lessons she needs to learn from this life at the time she feels right never before, never after, no matter what I and everyone else may tell her.
She has to learn flexibility, adaptability and resilience, and I believe college is the ideal time to pick up and hone these skills.
I trust in the Universal power that she will learn to see the signs and receive guidance to choose wisely and she will grow in that wisdom.
I believe she loves me even if she doesn’t talk to me every day because she knows. I know that she knows I’m there and will always be and she can reach out for support whenever she may need. In an extended way, I believe that we are all there a whole bunch of us.
Finally, I believe this is the end of one chapter for both our souls and there is a new chapter for both of our lives and I believe with my whole heart that it is a good plan.
How I plan it in my mind and I have worked on this goodbye for weeks now. If I can just right a good solid hug with “I’ll really miss you” ending with how much I love and will miss her. That should be easy, I don’t know but that’s how I see it, not too cold not mushy because she’s not the type. Do you think a tear would be in place? I think yes because that’s how I feel honestly.
So what happens after drop off?
Sometimes I think it will be easier to say goodbye than mean it. Haha. I often wonder what next, for starters I want to be in communication and me thanks the WhatsApp’s and Skypes of the world that we will be able to share our lives with each other once a week. My fingers are crossed on that.
I for one plan to walk into lots of new things to do and there are many strings to pick up as a new life full of promise and surprise awaits.
Emotional as it I think that this is the time for me to do things I have been wanting to do but never got the bandwidth.
Moments that you enjoyed may a memoir so as I see it, time to make new interests new activities as life swings out of one park into another metaphorically? I think it is important to keep my sanity in place and to move on.
Coping with my daughter as she is leaving for University is much like watching her swim away from me the first time she entered the pool as a toddler
My heart in my mouth a prayer on my lips my only wish that she learn to swim the waters of the life well.